Firstly, and on a possibly related note, depression is ridiculously easy to fall into if you’re not familiar with your worth as a human being; as a child of God. Familiar with your value as someone who has been allowed to stay on the boat by the man tugging the sails. However, I won’t be writing about depression tonight. Doesn’t seem like the ideal topic to talk about after not writing for so long.
I will be writing about the importance and effectiveness of conversations with yourself. It sounds a lot less mad and more profound when it’s put that way instead of ‘talking to yourself’, but I believe there is a difference. The former is an actual conversation (verbally or written) with two iterations of yourself, and the latter is more of a vocalization of your own thought process. Yes, both do sound equally crazy.
In the first act, the inner you (you could call this your soul) and the outer you (the attempt at a physical manifestation of your soul… or your mind) account for the two iterations. The inner you is the most pure form of you, and the outer is the one most susceptible to corruption and degradation and general change. These changes can come in the form of different types of abuse, experiences and life’s influences.
The point of that conversation is to regain a grip on where you’re going. It’s a bit much to say ‘find yourself’ here, because this is just a bit of a grounding; just a quick chin check to allow the outer you to link back up with the inner you. I believe that finding yourself is a completely different act in which you come to point where you REALIZE who that inner you is and that you’s values. You also come to the realization that this is who your outer you has been struggling and searching and scratching and fighting and clawing away at itself to become.
From finding yourself we move to this conversation with yourself. This is particularly difficult and awkward, mainly because you’re soooo used to this outer you being who dictates your actions and thoughts such that you honestly couldn’t give a shit less about what this inner you is talking about… But that’s where mistakes are made. Listen, even for a second, to what this inner you has to say. It probably hasn’t gotten to say much if you’ve never had this interaction before, so just listen first. Write down these thoughts that are being kicked back and forth between your mind and your soul. Let the outer you question these thoughts. Be angry at these thoughts, be ecstatic about these thoughts. Be disturbed at these thoughts… But the most important thing you need to do is to trust them because they are you. They are purely you. Let that fight happen between the two yous.
A line from one of my favorite artists is:
No winners when it’s Me against Me. One of us ain’t gon’ survive.
I disagree with him saying that there isn’t going to be a winner in this battle because, simply, of the fact that either you lose that outer you or you at least attempted to touch base with the real you. But I do know that someone’s gonna lose… for winning in the long run.
Have that conversation.