We’re not the best at picking up on what you mean, and though I’m more… ‘in tune’, I know I’m still guilty of that. But we’re not completely useless, thank God. Men who truly care about something or someone will end up listening intently when the time comes.
In relationships, this point of intent listening unfortunately tends to come at the brink of destruction. When he’s done something that just ends up being absolutely the last straw. That mistake can be yet another forgotten birthday or half-assed effort at doing something he said he was going to do, anything that is, or has become, a hindrance to the relationship’s overall growth.
After the crime’s been committed is when you get pissed. More pissed than you’ve ever been. Pissed off to the point he’s not even sure you’re going to still be together at the end of the week, and is concerned about whether he should call the authorities soon…
Though you may want to inflict unspeakable damages upon body parts I won’t speak of, realize that this is a very crucial time. This is when he’s in a listening state.
…and possibly also afraid for his life.
It may not seem good for him, but this a very good time for you to breathe and regroup because the ball is in your court. This is one of the best times to get what you want out of the relationship, because of the fragility that’s resulted from his blunder. Know that I’m not talking materially, though.
But this is a chance to get him to understand and see what he needs to change for the better of the relationship. Keep in mind, however, that this needs to be a mutual exchange. There will be finger pointing, but the point is to settle and strive for new levels of transformation for the betterment of both parties involved, thus, creating a more healthy ecosystem for love and such. Just remember to allow space for questions on clarity and detail on the issues at hand. If he’s asking question or for help, you’re on the right track.
Here’s something to remember, though. Constantly and deliberately using this as a tool to get things from him is not what I’m suggesting, and it’s something you shouldn’t do. (Needing to do this may mean there’s a deeper, unaddressed problem.)
The absolutely most important thing to keep in mind as women is to fully understand and accept that you cannot change a man. You cannot. You do not have that power. However, you do have the power to be the inspirational woman he wants to change for. Cliché, I know. But as the love of his life, it’s not terribly hard, half the work is done. Just don’t leave him hanging. If he’s man enough to want to be better, he’ll be man enough to ask for your help, so keep your ears open too.
You’ll hear him listening.