Uncertainty

Dealing with uncertainty is a difficult thing. It’s everywhere and comes in different scales. Some people have trouble dealing with uncertainty in what they’re going to eat for breakfast, other people have trouble with not knowing what their schedule next week is going to look like. Others have problems with what their entire LIFE will end up looking like 5 or 30 years from now. And I pretty much thinks that’s me.

It’s not so much that not knowing the ‘destination’ bothers me, because I know the kind of life I’m going to create. But dealing with whether I’m actually on the right path TO that destination is it. There are signs that tell you, like The Taps On Your Shoulder, but some days you might not get them. Or feel like they don’t make any sense. Yes, I listen to my gut, but my gut doesn’t want to be profound every damn day of the week. It’s silent some days, and when it decides to do that, my compass is off. I suddenly feel like I don’t know where I’ve been going these past few years.

That’s probably because I don’t, but I’ll minimize digressions for today.

I spend a lot of my time trying to quell this uncertainty, but I’m thinking now that it ‘s better to spend less time on correcting the confusion, and more time just doing my best to navigate through it on a day-to-day basis. Even revel in it. I feel like that’s a start to reducing this anxiety.

I remember reading an email I got from Naomi Dunford explaining that chaos is natural, and will always be there. “It’s there before you earn your first dollar, and after you’ve earned your first million.”

That’s useful and probably true, but…shitgotdamn.

…I wonder how many people got a job simply because it was a source of stability for them. I can’t help but think some people got scared into security and stability because of some outside forces, while their inner voice constantly and year after year was telling them something otherwise. (If your inner voice said get stable job, then that’s perfectly fine.) But I just wonder.

If you know.

What it means…

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