I haven’t written anything for public consumption in a while, as most of the words that come out of me as of late have been conversations with myself.
I don’t feel as terrible as I used to about that, because at this current moment, I want the words that go out to come from a more… solid place, and I rather them be logs than lilies for you to gather footing on. I’ve been reading a lot and feeling my way around what can most accurately be described as a room with grey walls. Some days the room is more brightly lit than others, but I’m just grateful the light is there. Grateful for the ability to see where the light is coming from, and as far as I can tell, it is coming from within.
I don’t have any goals at the moment aside from ‘maintaining’. Keeping that light on, really. Keeping it on so that I can actively see how I can make it brighter. I think that’s what I’m doing. Feeding my torch to be able to light others. Yeah.
I am happy though, please don’t misunderstand that. There’s a warmth in figuring out how to further brighten your own light. A growing warmth.