Thank you, 2013

Well. What can I say about 2013 that won’t be cliché? I can’t say it was my best year to date. I can’t say it was my worst year, either. But it definitely was a year to be had. One of those mandatory things, I guess.

It’s sort of weird, but despite the time that I’ve had in 2013, I can’t speak ill about it. Even with being unemployed for most of the year and ending it off still unemployed, I can’t say I was treated terribly. Friends looked out and helped me keep sane, family kept love around and I’m grateful for that.

One probably wouldn’t call starting the year off underemployed and finishing it unemployed ‘progress’, but I think it was a step forward for me and the vision for my life. Being able to decide that you deserve more for yourself, then to act on that decision is an important thing.

2013 made me look inside, look deeper, and take responsibility for things that weren’t working out. It made me want to learn more about who I am, and how to be unapologetically that. It made me love myself more, as a result of feeling a lack of love outside of me.

I’m not even going to try to make this seem easy to write, because it’s not. I’m really having trouble pointing out the really great things that happened.

I got to stretch my writing legs through some really great people I’ve met, and learned how I truly feel about writing. That’s good.

I’ve learned to better listen to when things strongly resonate with me.

I’ve learned that when you figure out what improvements you need to make to yourself and pray for guidance with that, God likes to show you the way. But you do have to be willing to walk.

I’ve learned that when love is intensely focused inward, it radiates outward even stronger.

I’ve learned that love can seem elusive.

I’ve learned that honesty combined with the right intentions settles your heart in the end.

I’ve learned a lot, but I do very tearfully admit that it was a really rough year. It was really really rough, man.

I guess when you’re working so hard to adapt to chaos and uncertainty and to avoid temptations to be depressed, you don’t really take the time to look back and assess how you made it through all of it. Taking inventory doesn’t cross your mind much. You just want to be ready for whatever comes next. I always said that strong people don’t really think too hard about being strong, that it’s just a reaction, but I never thought of how that actually applies to me. You never really think much about it. You just go, and be.

In the end, I’m intensely thankful for the blessings and the people and the love and the times that this year has given me, I truly am.

You weren’t easy, 2013. You weren’t. But you were worth it. And 2014 will prove that.

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